apparently my subconscious is trying to tell me that i have hairy legs by giving me dreams about attempting to wax them and failing miserably

i don't mind school. just the mandatory homework that they force you to do. it's rather annoying. that and the extremely blurry lines between my spanish and italian. spitalish. i think that's a good name for it. plus it sounds like stuttering. i wonder what will happen when i add and asiatic language.... oh and i'm roommateless. it's really weird. i miss my bubbly, if not slightly messy, foreign exchange student.

what i have come back to over Christmas break:
-a think coating of ice covering everything
-a couple of inches of snow covered in that thick coating of ice
-near 0 degrees weather
-power outages all over the city until Christmas
-having to wear two pairs of pants if i wanna go outside for any extended period of time

so far a fantastic example of why people don't like winter

so i pulled a twig off of a tree yesterday and it came right off with hardly any effort. and then i threw it on the ground and shattered into little teeny tiny pieces. it was AWESOME.

definitely wasn't imagining things. it really is completely one sided against me, and no matter what i say no one is going to change their minds. such hypocrites.

i had a dream last night about werewolves and them trying to eat me. it was creepy.

and just when i thought my dream had come true and he had actually fallen off the face of the earth my defenseless dream was crushed. poor dream. all it wanted to do is have fun and eat cake, why did you have to crush it? oh well, i guess it hoped for too much.

i just feel so alone........

long time no type? to catch you up to speed: i am in la france. it is le cold. i am here for the entire semester aka mid/late may. then i must go home because my little brother/phil is graduating. there are complicated things in my love like which i wish not to divulge here because i feel like it has been over talked and i don't wanna talk about it anymore/spill any beans. beans are not meant to be spilt. they are meant to be eaten. and then give you gas. but not spilled. the whole think is fucking with my sleeping. well that and getting up 5am day 1, 9am day 2 and 3am day 3 of sweden trip. i blame both. i wasn't sleeping well before hand anyway. now i just wake up between 8 and 9 everyday and/or have problems going to sleep and staying asleep. jared is here miracle of miracles but not really because i'm here, i was just and added bonus of him deciding that it would be fun to go to paris for spring break. he is doing typical jared things. atm he is wandering around somewhere with his friend diana which i found out only after calling him because i thought he should have been back already from going and getting his friend at the airport, who apparently missed his connecting flight. another thing i only found out after calling him. i mean it's not like he's sleeping at my house and knows that i didn't go anywhere on break because he was coming or anything. so annoyed. screw it. i'll go play with desi and amanda and make him sleep on the street out side my house because i'm not there. ha. well i guess he could climb the one story of the build to make it to my window. but then i don't know if he could open it. and that would be a lot of work. but all of his stuff is here. so yeah. i don't know what to do tonight. i wanna go some place different but i'm feeling cheap. a i don't know of anywhere that has saturday night special things. and don't feel like wandering around a lot. we could go to the frog and princess i guess, i haven't actually been in there and stayed cause there was a stupid match and i felt claustrophobic. i think tomorrow spaghetti bar and then monday sarah cooks! so all food for the next few days is taken care of cheaply. sweet. i don't actually know if my family is going to feed me over break because they don't technically have to/aren't supposed to. but they do feed me lunch and they don't have to......

i am soooo sick right now. it's disgusting. i'm not happy about it. i've been running a fairly high fever for the past 2 days and i have a cough that is rather painful. and i have no one to really take care of me :( i wanna feel better.

Sawah gives me fun things to do :)
sidenote: i may not know some of the songs that come up because i tend to download every free song that iTunes offers, so if i have it but i've never heard it i'm not counting it. oh and i'm not counting dane cook and the like either
IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool.




Opening Credits:
"Ash and Smoke” -From LoTR Return of the King (so the intro to my life is dark and ominous with violins?)

Waking Up:
"Oblivion” - 30 Seconds to Mars (i guess this kind of works cause i have issues getting myself out of bed in the mornings and it mentions the burning sun aka, the bright sunlight from which i try to hide)

First Day At School:
"Headsprung” - LL Cool J (so going to the first day of school is like going to a club and getting my freak on for me?)

Falling In Love:
"It's All Understood” - Jack Johnson (it's confusing and don't necessarily understand)

Breaking Up:
"Fermons les yeux” - KYO (peaceful but necessary due to outside factors)

Prom:
"Pigeons and Crumbs” - Natalie Imbruglia (well i'm not sure...my prom already happened.)

Life's Ok:
"We Run This (Stick It Edit)” - Missy Elliot (heh heh, perfect, sexy and controlling)

Mental Breakdown:
"Ouvre grand ton coeur” - Nadiya (first of all not a huge fan of this song...)

Driving:
“Lift Me Up (Radio Mix)” - Moby (i have no idea what this has to do with driving)

Flashback:
"Let's Make Love” - Faith Hill (Um, no.)

Getting Back Together:
"What Is This Thing Called Love” - Lemar from De-Lovely Soundtrack (amazed at the twists and turns of love and that it led to getting back together)

Birth of Child:
“U and Dat” - E-40 featuring T. Pain and Kandi Girl (babies've got booty right? little asian guy in bathroom!!)

Wedding song:
"Alla Luce Del Sole” - Josh Groban (the marriage is like the sun whiping away the darkness that was before it...well at least this one fits better than U and Dat)

Final Battle:
"Run Ruldolph Run” - Hanson (sweet, i get to fight and destroy hanson while riding rudolph with santa's help)

Death Scene:
"Chain Hang Low” - Jibbs (Why do i even have this song? i hate this song. it defiles the children's song. maybe i die because i hear it and then have a heart attack.)

Funeral Song:
"Bella Luna” - Jason Mraz (I'm going to live with the celestial things. like the moon. and it's pretty.)

End Credits:
"The Patron Saint Of Liars and Fakes” - Fall Out Boy (I hold grudges after i die? so does this mean i haunt people?)

um yeah, so that was a waste of time and inaccurate and stupid for any of those of you who read this and actually know me.

Oh James McAvoy....how i love you and that you were on the Oscars. You made my day. Total surprise of accentalicious hottness. and the fact that i wouldn't have seen it except that i decided i was going to do the eliptical at the gym for once and the TV was on the Oscars and he was on within the 20 minutes that i was actually there. I think it was fate. :)

today i had an adventure. it involved me being very disoriented. i got up for my first class which was at 10:10 and i ended up leaving a little late so i was probably going to be like 2 minutes late anyways. and i went to the building where it was. you have to understand that most of the classroom buildings on campus have breezeways instead of hallways so the only things inside are the actual classrooms. and in this particular building there are two halves, the second of which is about a half a flight higher than the first half and i have probably half of my classes in this building this semester as well as last. so my first class of the day is italian and it's all the way down at the other end of the building, the elevated half. so i went up the half flight of stairs, thinking, "my class is in 203, right? or is it 207? or maybe 205?" all of the doors are frosted glass except for like an inch border of clear glass so i go along looking in the cracks trying to see if i recognized the teacher in the class room or any of the students near the door where i usually sat because i'm typically late to this class even though it is at 10. so i walk up and down for about 10 minutes getting really flustered cause i can't find my classroom and i'm already late. then i realize that i'm only on the first floor. so i go up the next set of stairs that is kind of off-set from the other set and i start looking for my classroom again still not knowing the number. this is probably my 5th week of classes. this shouldn't happen. so i walk up and down for another 10 minutes with no success, so i decide to go to the modern language lab where i work and there are computers and where i happen to be now so that i get paid to look up where my class is. apparently it was in 208. at this point class is half way over and it would feel really weird to walk into class half way through and be like, "i was lost" so i decided to go get a smoothie and wait out side the class and talk to the teacher afterwards. i honestly am not sure whether he believed me or not but he told me what is going to be on the quiz on wednesday and what we did. on a side note, coffee + no food in tummy = bad idea

well some progress has been made. we'll see how it goes.

YAY COLTS!!!!!!!!!

god i hate this. i really have no words for how i feel right now but pissed. but it's so much more complicated than that. and it's making me sick. because i tend to make myself physically sick when i'm mentally upset or stressed about something. i hate it. like half the time i don't feel like eating. this morning i felt naseous when i woke up to the point where i was considering not going to classes, several days in a row i've woken up at like 8:30 after going to bed after midnight then repeatedly kept waking up after falling back asleep. the first two days i got back i didn't sleep well at all. and then i had a sore throat and sinus stuff. and there's nothing i can fucking do about it. i refuse. it's up to them now. i'm trying to make a point and this is my ultimatum. and so far they don't seem to care. which makes it even worse. and the longer it goes on the worse it gets and the more mad at them i'm going to be. i almost don't know what to do with myself.

i'm boooooored. soooooooooooo booooooooooored. i love my friends here, but it's such a pain in the ass to keep myself occupied all of the time and arrange doing things with them cause it involves calling, working around schedules, driving, actually being kind of productive with the time whereas in Miami, all i have to do is walk down the hall and knock on doors. and right now i don't exactly have a car. my brother has a car that he drives to school, my mom has a car that she drives to work and my dad has a car that he uses at random times so i never know when i'll be able to use it when every one else is gone. so i wanted to go to this lunch thing with my advisory from high school at mrs. hancock's house at 11. but there was no way for me to get there because my dad needed the car at noon and he could drive me but only at 11:45 and it would have been over by the time i'd gotten there. it's kind of a suck fest. i'm sick of always having to call people and ask them to do things especially when i know that they actually would they just don't do it them selves. such as jared and cat. you think i would get more attention/effort from my two best friends but in general i always seem to be the one who's arranging and calling. there are a few exceptions but i'm tried of it. i don't object to doing it, just doing it all of the time and getting very little in return and i'm pretty much sick of it. argh. plus i get like 5 times as bored now. i think it's worse when i know i could be doing something fun but i can't seem to get out of the house. i need more gum. i don't have any. i guess i could go for a walk and buy gum. but it's cold. and i'm sleepy. and i guess that would alieviate some of boredom's pointy sharp killing-ness. i could also go to starbucks. but i'm a poor college student. i don't really have that much money. and though i may be delicious, i'm not fergalicious, so it doesn't really do me much good unless i want to be eaten. but apparently it works for her. how is it that i can take a nap there but not take a nap here? it's really weird. i think it's a state of mind thing. but i'm sleepy but i feel as though i'm not going to be sleeping anytime soon. wow, the girls on super sweet sixteen are such spoiled bitches.

finals suck. they suck suck suck suck suck. to infinity. and beyond. minus the random free food breaks. today it was ice cream. they had an actual ice cream cart like you would see on the side walks in amusment parks on the patio of the appartment of the teachers who live on the bottom floor. and yesterday they came around with a cereal cart. and on monday(?) there was a midnight breakfast which wasn't actually at midnight but was still fantabulous. i don't think i'll go to the gym today cause i'm feeling a little tired to do as such. plus i really should study. and i went yesterday and the day before and the day before. and i'll go tomorrow. so it's ok. and they just ended supernatural in a cliff hanger. i hate when they do that. one of the main characters asked the other main character what his father had told him about him just before he died. and then they showed the one being asked for like 5 seconds saying nothing. and then they went to credits. it kinda pisses me off.

HIGH CLASS
[ ] You go tanning.
[ ] You own something from coach
[ ] You own something from juicy couture
[ ] You own something(s) from louis vuitton
[x] You own an iPod/MP3 player.
[x] You love Starbucks.
[ ] You have seriously been called a brat.
[ ] You have tons of shoes
[ ] You hate buying things that are on sale
Total = 2

[GOTH]
[x] you own at least 4 black shirts
[ ] You wear chains.
[ ] You like heavy metal.
[x] You've shopped at Hot Topic
[ ] You have worn black lipstick
[x] Your hair was/is dark.
[ ] You dislike preps.
[ ] You have piercings excluding ear
Total = 3

[PUNK]
[ ] You can skateboard.
[ ] You like plaid.
[ ] You love Converse.
[ ] You hate MTV.
[x] You have/had/WANT blue, pink, red, purple, or green hair.
[ ] You like skater boys/girls
[ ] You dislike pink.
[ ] You hate preps.
[ ] You wear tight pants
Total = 1

[EMO]
[x] You are depressed sometimes.
[x] You have black-rimmed glasses.
[ ] You like the band Thursday.
[x] You cry easily.
[ ] You like emo music.
[ ] You hate being called emo.
[x] You keep a journal/diary.
[ ] You have written a sad poem
[ ] You have thought about death.
Total = 4

[GHETTO/GANGSTA]
[ ] You like rap
[ ] You are in a gang
[ ]You wear rubberbands in your pants
[ ] You swear a lot.
[ ] You have had a freestyling contest
[ ] You have worn Converse with the tongue flipped out.
[x] You hate racist people
Total = 1


[HARDCORE---or M3T4L]
[ ] You like loud music.
[x] You love The Ninja Turtles, Pokemon, etc.
[ ] You never walk anywhere.
[x] You wear slip-on shoes.
[ ] you like Norma Jean.
[ ] you wear band t-shirts.
[ ] People have called you a freak and meant it.
[ ] You love to "hardcore" dance / mosh pit
[ ] Your hair has been dyed more than one color.
[x] Wear blue jeans.
Total = 3

[PREP]
[ ] You love Laguna Beach
[ ] You have/had a tiny/medium sized dog.
[ ] Your usual outfits consist of pink.
[ ] You like buying shoes A LOT.
[x] You shop at AE, HOLLISTER, A&F.ETC.
[x] You love to shop.
[ ] You like Paris Hilton
[x] Getting your nails done is a fun thing
[ ] You own a pair of giant sunglasses.
Total = 3

[Athletic]
[ ] You collect your jerseys.
[ ] You have/ had a special shelf for trophies and awards.
[ ] have/had posters or plaques of famous athlets.
[ ] You have played on sports team for at least 3 years.
[x] You belong/belonged to a school team.
[ ] You are going/did go to a sports summer camp.
[ ] You have a specific number preferred for your jersey.
Total = 1

[Scene]
[ ] You have worn little bows in your hair
[ ] You like mardi gras beads, pearls and plastic beads
[ ] you have at least 2 shirts with tiny designs all throughout the
shirt
[ ] you know where the bandana goes
[x] You part your hair to the side
[ ] You think polka-dots are cute
[x] You love going to concerts
[x] You shop at Charolette Russe
[x] You have done a peace sign while you pose for a picture.
[ ] You've been called scene before
Total = 4

so i pretty much had myself before i left for break and now i don't again. i think there were a couple of things that annoyed me that happened that did it. i hate annoying things. i've decided that i hate middle school and early high school girls. this revalation came to me while i was in claire's to get a replacement set of earrings for one that i lost the first time i wore them and there was this group of three girls that were just being loud and obnoxious and i'm not really sure what it was about them but they just seemed rude to me. it was like they thought they were the shit and the only people who really existed. then there was another group like that hanging around the fountain in the middle of JP. and that's how i felt that we were being. totally rude. and now i feel unappreciated here. i feel like no one pays attention to me when i try to get their attention minus a couple of people and people hardly ever come and knock on my door. do i try to hard? i don't know what to do otherwise. because i mean if they don't pay attention to me in the first place i feel as though if i stop trying then i just won't see them in general cause i'm just one of those friends that it doesn't really make a differnce if i'm there or not. or maybe i'm just afraid of that. cause it did happen once. and it really fucked up the beginning of my semester. why is this so hard? college was supposed to be amazing. it was supposed to be up to france standards. i probably would have done better if i'd gone straight from france to college and just skipped the senior year of high school. i feel like my confidence and energy and everything have just gone down since even like the end of senior year. it's really rather depressing. and i can't find myself. and it bothers me. cause i know how i should be acting. but i'm not acting like it. what the hell. it's kind of like i'm watching myself act like not me. me has vacated me and doesn't seem to want to come back for any extended period of time.

OMG AMAZING!!!! ALL-AMERICAN REJECTS WITH OLIVIA PLUS MEETING TYSON AND THE DRUMMER AND GETTING MY SHIRT SIGNED AND A REAL FREAKIN HONEST TO GOODNESS THUNDERSTORM!!!! OMG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and goldfish crackers now have penguins...but that's really a side note, but still good :)